Schizo party!!

Hey Hey Hey!

So I will start off by saying that I think I might be schizo, because I keep saying hello all my readers, when in reality im pretty sure im the only one reading this. But hey, that's ok, the world is missing out!! :)

Obviously I haven't been on here in a while, and I wish I could say I have been uuber busy being miss importante and what not, but let's be real......I haven't had a job in almost a month (which will change on monday...yay!!) so I have been in super bum boredom mode. You know most people say they would rather not work and just lay around....not me. After one day of being lazy I get the itch. There is only so much cleaning, laundry, organizing, color coordinating closets one can do before she goes a little crazy! :) I even resorted to going to see a movie by my lonesome because I was so bored, I have also sat in barnes & nobles and read....all day, and now I have resorted to coming to my parents to clean and play with my mommy, which is actually very nice. I am even considering ordering my textbooks early and reading them. This is when I knew I had a problem. Im starting to feel like a major loser, again, all changes monday when i start my new job!!! Then I will be working hard for the money! so hard for it honey!! Did you just get that feeling like you wanted to have a danceplosion? I sure did! :)

Another big change in my life, I moved out of the ghetto (but refuse to change my blog name) to the westside to live with my seester and her fiance (spells trouble right there) It has been interesting, to say the least. So apparently I was brought into the apartment to be their dog sitter/maid/cook? Don't get me wrong, I am in LOVE with their dog (name's harley, he's a weimaraner & my snuggle buddy) but apparently my dog watching skills arent up to par? I dunno, so im a tad stressed with the living situation, and I dont like being stressed, not one bit!

On the positive side, the apartment is MUCH nicer than my last one, there is a ginormous balcony, my room is huge, I get my own bathroom with a HUGE shower, and there's tivo....so right there im sold. Not to mention two very nice pools (i will never use them) and a very nice big gym I frequent often (due to the boredom) I also really miss my old roomates, they were my buds and it makes me sad. :( tear....tear.....)

Im also about to embark on yet another weightloss journey. This is like the 5,000th. :) Yes, I am aware the key to losing weight is to stop eating and drinking shit and get off my lazy ass, I know there is no "holy grail" of weight loss. But I like the shit! I love my beer and cokes, popcorn @ movies, stuffed avocados from trudys, mexican martinis, chick-fila has my heart! I know it is sad to be so enamored of food, but hey, it's not like I have any other loves in my life right now outside family and friends! :) The harsh truth is I just need to lose some weight and stop eating crap and start working out, shouldnt be too hard, right? :/ So we shall see how this goes.....wish me luck! I will be smoking hot in no time in my polka dot bikini girl! Can you tell im jamming out as I write this?

Soo schleepy! Check ya later! :)

p.s. when looking for pictures, I just googled schizo, and who should pop up but jc?

Could it be fate? Stay tuned to see!

The Safety Dance

Ok, so has anyone ever heard the song "safety dance?" Well, if you haven't I feel sorry for you. It's an awesomely bad 80's dance song. I was watching TV with the good ol roomies and saw the video on VH1. Here's the link for your viewing pleasure. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcOZ6xFxJqg

The video is a very odd medieval acid trip. It is pretty funny to say the least, my ever so rythmic roomate rafa decided he wanted to do the safety dance in our living room, and made me join him, (i know i shouldnt admit to these ever so dorky nights of safety dancing, harry potter, guitar hero, and sappy chick flicks with my MALE roomates, but they complete me.) :) So I was having fun and decided I wanted to have EVEN MORE fun. So what do I do....do I get all sexified and go dt to dance the night away, do I go to a kickass frat party and get a "roofie colada?" None of the above, because I am the coolest college kid you will ever meet, I went to go see MONTSTERS VS. ALIENS in wait for it......IMAX 3D!!!! Yeah, I know, im pretty awesome. Well.... I drag one of the two roomates (Anthony) with me, as we pull into the Bob Bullock garage I hear none other than...wait for it.....SAFETY DANCE! blaring in someones car, and who do I see bust out of that car and start dancing, but the same creeper looking people from the video! OMG you guys deja vu! So yeah, made me laugh pretty hard, and am sure is not even remotely funny or interesting to anyone else, but what are ya gonna do? :) So, a final note, everyone take a chance.....and do the safety dance!

p.s. on a funner more legit note, my seester is getting married!! The date is November 7th, I will be the maid of honor (so please help with bacelorette party ideas! :/) They are getting married at Texas Old Town (was not impressed when she told me, but I guess they have done alot to it since I have been, its beautiful! So yeah...pretty excited to have chado has a legit bro, but now the pressure will be on for me to get married (if they only knew) :) I also now have to lose lose lose some weight, because I REFUSE to be a chubs bridesmaid! :) Wish me luck!

Spring Break to-do list

So I am here, sitting in my jammies enjoying Harry Potter weekend (yes I am aware it is saturday night and I should be socializing) and couldnt be happier. Spring break is approaching and I am quite excited!! (Even though I won't be going to greece or Vegas. :( ) Being the ultimate dorkasaurus rex that I am I have developed a to-do list to keep me organized.

1) Sleep in one day! So I don't really sleep in anymore and it makes me very sad, like I have lost my childhood innocence or something, so at least ONE day oversleeping will be mine!!
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2) Catch at least one SXSW show. There are some goodies playing this year!
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3) Have a green beer!! Never had one! :( So I am going out on St. Patty's day, wearing green, and drink some green beer!

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4) Have a San-Antonio fun day! Im not a south padre kind of girl and am unfortunately too poor at the moment to take a roadtrip to Vegas, but I need to get out of Austin for at least one day, and apparently Six Flags is one of the companys that is "in trouble" of closing down. Personally I do not want to live in a world devoid of death trap good family fun! So I am going, even if it means by myself! And if im really feeling wild, I will make a stop down at the riverwalk, maybe eat at the rainforest cafe, maybe ride the river boat, catch an IMAX feature, you know...see what happens.
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5) Catch up!! So I have certain beloved friends (you know who you are) that have been avoiding me like the plague lately or vice versa, this will cease next week. I am going to play with these people I love so much and havent seen in so long.
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6) Study. (SAY WHAT!) sad I know, but my sadist professors have the week after spring break jam packed with exams, papers, quizzes, projects and whatnots. So yeah......that will blow.
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7) Go to the rodeo- I havent been in 4 years....4 YEARS!!! I live in TEXAS, home of the cowboy, this is quite sad, so I am going, only to the carnival because noone good is performing this year and the hippie inside me hates seeing those poor little calfs roped. :( POBRECITOS!!
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8) Celebrate the anniversery of my birth. GO SHORTY, ITS MY BIRTHDAY!! yeah, so not so excited about the big 23, but hey, its an excuse to celebrate so why not! Again, even if I have to celebrate by myself, I will hit up the bars and make new friends! :)
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ok so this is off-topic but whoever invented the slipper socks should be given the nobel prize. I have two pairs now and am working on my collection, and even though I am the constant butt of my roomates jokes when I wear them, this is a love that can withstand all obstacles. If you don't own a pair, you first should hit yourself for being a big dummy, and second, get your silly goose bootay in yo car, drive down to your friendly neighborhood walgreens (most open 24 hours), walmart (also open 24 hours) , or Old Navy. You're welcome in advance.
So that's all I can think of at the moment, I am welcome to suggestions of other fun shenanigans and monetary donations so that I can go to Vegas! :)

Mollieology

So I desperately need a break from studying, but the good ol' rusty brain is too fried to come up with something original, so here is a silly quiz i would normally never do.

***********TECHNOLOGY***************
How many televisions are in your house?4
what color cell phone do you have?Red
***************BIOLOGY******************
Are you right-handed or left-handed?Right
Have you ever had anything removed from your body?other than my soul...no
What is the last heavy item you lifted?alot of water, i am a muscle woman!!
Have you ever been knocked unconscious?Nope
************BULLCRAPOLOGY**************
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?Yes, I think it would be liberating to know how much time you had left, so you could do all the things that really matter in your life and spend time with the people you love.
If you could change your name, what would you change it to?Gertrude. ;) I like my name, it's old school. Who doesnt love little richard jokes? :(
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?I would do ALOT of things for $1000 :)
************DUMBOLOGY******************
How many pairs of flip flops do you own?3, me and flipflops dont get along, they like to make me fall.
Last time you had a run-in with the cops?hmm a couple years ago when some popos thought I was a drug lord. good times.
Last person you talked to?my seester, it was not a pleasant conversation
Last person you hugged?Rafa, he's a hugger like me. :)
**************FAVORITOLOGY****************
Season?Spring, no longer summer since i go to school all four season! :(
Holiday? You can't make me choose between xmas and turkey day!
Day of the week?Saturday
Month?March. :)
***********CURRENTOLOGY*****************
Missing someone?Yes
Mood?not enjoying the massive migraine that is going strong with a vengeance & stressed about a midterm on friday.
What are you listening to?Bob Marley
Watching?duke attack my feet
Worrying about?ashley, my future living situation, my midterm. my head. ***************RANDOMOLOGY*****************
First place you went this morning?el bano
What's the last movie you saw?Slumdog millionare (when i couldnt get into watchmen, tear...tear)
Do you smile often?Oh yes, smiling's my favorite! :)
Sleeping Alone Tonight?Oh yeah, huge bed all to myself, awesome!
***************OTHER-OLOGY*****************
1)Do you always answer your phone?Nope. :)
2) Its four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?Someone who no longer wants to be my friend. :)
3) If you could change your eye color what would it be?Im actually a fan my eyes, they're unique.
4) What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?cherry.
5)Do you own a digital camera?Yes, although its getting kind of old.
6)Have you ever had a pet fish?Yes, and my dog would always find a way to eat them. :( i still want a cute puffy faced goldfish for some reason.
7) Favorite Christmas song(s) All I want for Christmas is You, Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, Grandma Got Runover by a reindeer, Little Saint Nick, Christmas baby please come home, blue christmas, the list could go on and on and on. i love it!
8) What's on your wish list for your birthday?Um lets see, Vegas, a hunkasauraus rex, $, ashley to get better so she can celebrate with me....
9) Can you do push ups?oh yeah
10) Can you do a chin up? oh yeah
11) Does the future make you more nervous or excited?umm excited?
12) Do you have any saved texts?Nope, try not to text.
13) Ever been in a car wreck?Yes, fortunately all have been fender benders. poor poor sex on wheels, you are missed. :(
14) Do you have an accent?When I feel adventurous :)
15) What is the last song to make you cry?My immortal, makes me weep everytime.
16) Plans tonight?A hot date with America, Past and Present (8th edition)
17)Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?Oh yeah
18) Name 3 things you bought yesterday.nothing! i was a good girl
19) Have you ever been given roses?Yes, only by the parentals though.
20) Current worry?Ashley
21) Current hate right now?When people are alone yet take up MASSIVE tables to study, frusterates me.
22) Met someone who changed your life?Yes
23) How will you bring in the New Year?probably in my usual nerdy, antisocial way, i was social this past year though and am quite proud of myself!
24) What song represents you?Bad Girl by the amazing Danity Kane. :) probably white and nerdy though. :)
25) Name three people who might complete this?nobody!
26) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?Yes
27) Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?uhhh, next question? :)
28) Do you have any tattoos/piercings?Nada! how boring am I!?
29) Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now?Im not nostradamas
31) Would you be a pirate?Hells yeah!! oh man life would be awesome, especially if I were on Jack Sparrow and William Turners crew. oooh lala!
32)What songs do you sing in the shower?I don't discriminate, whatever shows up on the good ol' poddy!
33) Ever had someone sing to you?Oh yeah. always a blasty blast!
34) When did you last cry?hmm saturday? i had to lock it up.
36) Do you like to cuddle?Um, it is only my favorite pastime!
37)Have you held hands with anyone today?no...weird.
38) Who was the last person you took a picture of?holy moley.... new years maybe? :/
39)What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?whatever my parents listened to. I was such a follower.
40) Do you believe in staying close with your ex?next question please. :)
41) Are most of the friends in your life new or old?Old, but I have a couple new awesome friends
42)Do you like pulpy orange juice?clumps in liquid=bad news bears
43)What is something your friends make fun of you for?being a goober, having alzheimers, my uncanny ability to not walk in a straight line and to fall/ trip on flat surfaces.
44)Do you have a crush on someone/ want to be in a relationship with someone? Yes, Robert Pattinson, if you read this, I love you and we are made for eachother, come and get me big boy! :)

Gracias!!

Ok so with everything going on lately, I have really put my life in perspective. I mean, thankfully I have always kind of had things in perspective, when you are told since you are born that you will never walk and that you will be mentally challenged your whole life, and then you do walk (like a penguin and fall down ALOT but hey its somethin) and you go to normal schools all your life and are in college (for 500 years but hey, its somethin) and yeah I may be a little goofy and blonde and dumb at times, but hey, what are ya gonna do? So honestly pity parties have never been my thing,because someone in the world will always have it worse than me, so who am I to bitch and cry because I broke a nail. But I am human and sometimes, well alot things dont go the way I hoped they would go, and it makes me a little sad. Like not doing so well on an exam, or the fact that im still in college (at least im going haters!) or realizing that I have $20 in the good ol' bank account, or not seeing some friends as much as I would like to because Im silly and am not a fan of certain people (silly i know) or just letting a certain someone walk away without telling them how I feel because I may talk big but inside im a big chicken shit scared of rejection like everyone else, or losing touch with good friends because i hate making plans, so they assume i dont like them and move on. Simply life is too short to worry about petty things or not be with the people who you love and make you happy. Why this heart to heart? Well this week I saw three people I love oh oh so much and havent seen in a long time. 1st one of my besties jill, who I havent seen since october or november, which is a long time when you live 10 minutes apart. We have so much fun together and I love her to pieces and I finally got to play with her last night and was soo happy! Then tonight I saw one of best guy friends (silly since we hardly ever talk anymore, but when we do its like we never lost touch) jonny for his bday, and made my other bestie (oh god i sound like an annoying pre-teen) amber who makes my heart go pitter patter come with me so I could see her as well. Oh yeah and last week I saw one of my other guy bff's (i really hate saying that, its like one of those dirty anatomy words to me) matt. so thats four! its a record! I have turned into quite the hermit for financial and personal reasons, so this is big for me! wow im rambling, here are all the things im thankful for (purpose of the blog)

1) being able to walk and NOT being mentally challenged. :)

2) having a job (i know i always diss it but its money and its easy and i can pretty much do whatever i want, and im good at it.)

3) my awesome family, especially the madre, i dont know what i would do without her, and my seester, even though we dont see eye to eye most of the time, i know she would do anything for me, and vice versa. shes the only seester i got man! And that I got to have courtney bless my life for 18 years.

4) my amazing friends. ashley for never being too cool for school and for being such a tough cookie, she also thinks it cool to me a grandma, as do I. :) Amber for being so much darn fun! there's never a dull moment with her. Also every time we see eachother it seems like all we do is talk talk talk, there's always so much to catch up on! Jilly for allowing me to be my dorkiest, and still be my friend. :) Clint who I opened up to quicker than anyone i've ever known, he doesnt bs me and is one of the only people i can just sit with and not have to talk. Anthony, when im around him i laugh...alot. Johnny mac for always being a sweetheart. And I can't forget matt who has taken care of me since highschool, he has always been a great friend.

So kiddies, my lesson of the day is be thankful for what and who you have in your life and try not to bitch about what you don't have. Also let these people know you love them every chance you get, because life is a short and crazy biatch and you never know where it will take you or the ones you love most. There's my sermon for the day, time to soak my dentures and watch murder she wrote, goodnight!

(who am i kidding, amber i know you're the only one who reads this, so goodnight to you my dear! )

Drive-by/lesson of the day

Oh man, so I like to joke around with friends and family that I live in "the ghetto." I live off of riverside, and although this area is not prime real-estate, for the price im paying I have a very nice place. And although sometimes I feel like I am in another country when I drive down riverside, I at least know there are other scared college kids like me, at least I am not alone. Well, after Sunday I really can say I live in the ghetto. I was driving back to my apartment after a fun day at home with my family, (so of course my car was full of treats the momma made me, and I wonder why I am not losing more weight) :) If anyone lives or has ever driven in Austin, the traffic SUCKS. Sadly the engineer who designed the whole highway system is a woman, wah wah wahhh, so every chance they get a man says, "well thats what ya get for letting a damn woman do something." Well, before I start ranting on mens ideals of women.... So the traffic on I35 was horrible, so I took my typical detour, east stassney. Now this road is no westlake hills, but it's not east compton either. So here I am driving and rocking out to my poddy (ipod) and I notice ahead some retards swerving in and out of lanes, cutting people off. I just rolled my eyes and kept on jamming (old school madonna rocks my world) I stop at a red light, as it turns green and I accelerate, one of the retard cars jerks in front of me, I had to slam on the breaks (and I was in my mommas bug car, so the breaks are needlessly touchy) to not rear-end him. Well then my road rage kicked in, which honestly was not as bad as I usually am, all I did was honk instead of my usual arsenal of my favorite finger, hands in the air, and cursing at him like he can hear through glass. Well then he stomped on the breaks yet again, and one of his friends in the back rolled down the window, pulled their upper body out and pointed a lovely gun at me, then pretended to shoot. Now most scared little white momma's girls would have pissed their pants, thankgod I did not have that urge. :) Maybe I should work on that road rage.... So lesson of the day kiddies, when driving in the ghetto, do not honk your horn at cars, because they will probably shoot you. :)

Another day in the ghetto, another adventure!

creepy mccreeperson magnet

I, Mollie Hammer, am a creeper magnet. Let me explain:

Today at work, while drowning in the sea of vday loveliness that was in the office (Im trying to be positive about it this year, instead of the bitter old hag I have been the last couple years) a certain creeper stalker that shall remain nameless came into the office, like he does every time I work (somehow he knows my work schedule) came in leaned over on the desk I was working at and said so seductively (NOT) "hey gorgeous, who's your valentine." Well, seeing as how today was a very busy day, and I was very busy WORKING, I didnt even look up from my computer and said extremely sarcastically, "well this year I literally have to fight men off with a stick, so see all these flowers, yeah, they're all for me, fellas LOVE ME." Now a normal sane person would have laughed, but not creepy mccreeperson, he shoots a jealous glare and quickly glances at all the flowers, as if he were trying to figure out names of who to chop up in a bathtub first. "Joking" I replied dryly. A flood of relief flows over his face "Oh, 'annoying hyena laugh' man mollie, you crack me up.'' I could see he wasn't getting the hint. "So what can I do for you creeper" (I didnt call him creeper fyi, im not THAT mean.) He then does what he always does, asks if we have any make believe packages for him from his make believe friends, I reply with my usual answer, no. I then noticed we are the only two people in the office, and fear immediately takes over. I am a worst case scenario kind of girl, and sometimes I feel like my life could turn into a horror movie, or one of those lifetime movies gone wrong, so all I saw were images of me tied up in his apartment, or in the trunk of his car, or worse. Now let me pump the brakes. I am a nice girl, I am nice to people, I am no snob. I don't mind if weirdos like me, I usually just take it as a compliment and accept it. (i've discovered I am a creeper magnet) But this guy takes the cake. He kept staring at me like he wanted me to say something, his unibrow moving up and down like he's seducing me, waiting for me to rip off my clothes, jump on the table and say, "CREEPER, TAKE ME NOW!'' . I then offered him some valentines treats (an event we were having today) He said, "Im looking at my treat." OK hannibal lector im not edible!! I awkwardly laugh and say, "well, I have alot to do today, better get back to work!'' Then I was saved by overly excited freshman coming in for a tour, hello wakeup call fishies, this is riverside, the GHETTO, why so excited? He looked annoyed, then curtsied like a Irish school girl, said "my lady" (yeah, he does that) and walked out. So I ask, why am I such a creeper magnet? I mean, Im a nice girl, and although im no Angelina Jolie, im not fugly either. I've got personality, so why I ask do I continually attract crazies who probably want to wear my skin as a dress. I mean, I don't think im shooting for the stars here. So here is a potential mate application check list im developing which hopefully should weed out the creeper elite.

Application to date me

(Check yes or no)

1. 
   
   Are you, or have you ever been a creeper?


2. 
   
   Do you fantasize about wearing my skin?


3. 
   
   Would you ever kill me?


4. 
   
   Would you ever kill any other man that looks at me?


5. 
   
   Do you have a shrine of me in your closet?


6. 
   
   Do you have a photoalbum of our future children

(If you checked yes to any of the above, im calling the popo's)

(If you checked no to all the above, give me a call, I would like to believe that not all sane men are extinct.) :)

Strength

So I can't sleep, got too much going on in my head. I found out some no bueno news this weekend, one of my best friends in the whole wide world (the other being her twin) is very sick, and I am very worried about her. Anyone that knows me knows I am extremely maternal, I love taking care of people. I also would do anything for the people that I love, and knowing that I can't do anything to help her get better kills me. I am scared shitless, and she has morphed into superwoman. This certified my belief that she is awesome. She has just found out the scariest news she will probably ever hear in her life, and she is just so strong and so calm about the whole thing. If I were in her shoes I would be crouched in the fetal position crying like a little baby (mainly because I simply do not like needles, and they hate me right back, because they are sadists.) She should be the one being comforted and put at ease, but the whole time I was in the hospital she was doing the comforting. This to me is simply amazing, and again reinforces my idea that she is a BAMF. This brings me to a question, why do bad things happen to good people? She is an amazing person, has an amazing family, the whole nine yards, yet something like this happens to her. I love her to pieces and do not know what I would do if anything happened to her. I try to believe that everything happens for a reason, but sometimes that fact is hard to swallow. I guess all I can do is do what I do best, make her giggle. I don't know what good that will do, but I hope it helps a little. She is the strongest person I know, and I know if anyone can conquer the bitch thats hurting her, she can. So my title for this entry is for my bestie, because after the word in the dictionary there should be a (see Ashley) definition.

p.s. she is going to make leukemia her little bitch (I apologize for the cursing)

Po-Po

I lost a friend today. :( Napoleon Bonaparte Betancourt, aka "popo" my canine companion was taken away, and I have to admit, I am a little broken up about it. No more cold wet snouts nudging me, no more aggressive eyes judging me, no more karate chops chopping me, no more knocking me down when chasing a stupid rat dog in a sweater (seriously people, dog clothes are not cute, they already have fur!! hello, the clothes serve no purpose!) no more popo cries when he doesnt get his way, no more squeeks from his squeeky toy, and most of all, no more popo hair covering my entire apartment. He has gone on to a better place, Longview to be exact. Here he can roam free. No more dead beat dad either (my roomate anthony) who I blame for all of this. I am a big dog person and was spoiled with a dog for six months, and now he's gone, and my heart (which is already broken for other reasons) is broken yet again. Po-po, you will be missed my furry friend, and you will never be forgotten.

the future MS. Crazy Cat/Dog lady

"this is my crazy cat lady starter kit"










Still single and not so ready to mingle! I noticed the other night that there is a growing epidemic that is sweeping the nation. It is very dangerous and people should be scared. VERY YOUNG PEOPLE ARE GETTING ENGAGED/MARRIED/HAVING BABIES! (screams) (more screams) (yet more screams) **Disclaimer to all my friends who are one or more of the items above, I love you all and good for you! :) ** Keep in mind this is my opinion, so if you don't agree, im sorry. I am 22 years of age (cringe) Now in my puny head I feel old, but in the grand scheme of things, im still a baby. I still have alot to do, see the world for instance. Im sure said people who are engaged/married/baby making machines would say "mollie you're just jealous because you havent found anyone yet." Or, "Mollie honey, your day will come when Prince charming walks into your life, sweeps you off your feet, and you ride off into the sunset." One, no, not so jealous. I will admit, sometimes I do not enjoy being single, for example, on cold winter nights when I could really use a cuddle buddy, or someone to pay for my dinner every now and then because im really poor, or someone to hold my hand when im walking (it really helps in the not falling down so much) and lets not forget the day which haunts my dreams, V day. But let me say I have never been, nor will ever be one of those annoying girls who HAS to have a man giving them attention ALL THE TIME. Those sad little girls who is dependent on men, constantly with a man because they are terrified of being alone, too insecure to be alone. Thank god I am not one of those girls. I pride myself on being very independent. I have already come to terms with the fact that there may not be someone out there for me. This is ok, i mean that idea kind of sucks, I would like to have "a lobster" but if it doesnt happen for me, Im not going to cry about it like a little biatch. I will just pull a Sheryl Crow and adopt a cute little baby and call it a day. And I think I have figured out why I am single.

1) I am NOT a girly girl- I love football, beer, raunchy funny movies, gorey action movies, and food that is VERY bad for me.

2) Im NOT needy- Guys claim they hate needy girls, but they really love them. the girl that calls them constantly "honey bear, sweety pie, what are you doing, who are you with, what are you wearing, when are you coming over, i miss you, wah wah wah." See thats just too much work for me. Being the hermit I am, i dont mind being by myself, in fact, i really enjoy it. So if you want to hang out with your friends, knock yourself out. dont call me for a couple days, awesome, my phone bill is cheaper because of you. This freaks guys out, because they are so used to crazy ass stage five clingers, the moment they are with a girl who doesnt bug them, their little brains go crazy.


3) No history of crazy jealously rages turning into murdering rampage- Yeah, im really not jealous. I just don't have time for that nonsense. I too can appreciate a beautiful woman without being a lesbian or bi, men still have eyes, they're going to look regardless of how much their girlfriends whine about it. I have male friends, so why should I be upset if my boyfriend has female friends? I don't have the time or the energy to quiz a man where he has been, who has been with, and so on. Again, guys will say the complete opposite, but they love drama, and especially girls who bring plenty of it.



4) Im not a whore, nor do I dress like one- Im sorry fellas, I know morals are "so last year" but I refuse to give mine up just so I can "bag a man." I am a good girl, I am no saint, but I am also no hooch. I would actually like to know a mans last name, maybe a little about him like his favorite color, where he's from, if he likes ice cream, for these are all important things to know before you do "the humpty dance". Oh yeah, and most importantly, the results from an STD test, because I would like to stay free of all STDS thankyou. And I also refuse to dress like a hooch (super short skirt with no undies underneath, or super short shorts that might as well be undies, or a skanky shirt, you get the point) Because thats just plain NASTY and noone needs to see that. And lets face it, guys are horny, and the saying is true "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free." well "why look for a good girl when you can get plenty of skank ass ho's for free."

5) I talk...too much- So anyone that knows me has probably caught on by now that I am VERY sarcastic, sometimes too much. I am usually never serious, I love joking around, and sarcasm is also a love of mine. I am very oppinionated, I tend to say what's on my mind, without censorship. I cuss like a sailor and can be very vulgar at times. I have sadly almost always been like this (I blame the parentals) and again am ok with it, because this is who I am. Guys have always been very confused by my sarcasm, I guess theres a language barrier between man and wit...

um...im sure im missing some other key elements....

Bottom line, I refuse to feel bad or lame or like Im behind because Im not prego or engaged or married. I have no desire to be tied down right now, and just because im single now doesnt mean im destined for soletude, that my life will turn into some sad character in a tennessee williams play, or a younger version of sex in the city, minus the sex as explained by reason #4. Lets not forget, I AM 22!!! I have a huge life ahead of me, with plenty of spare time to settle down if I find the right lad to handle the task at hand. And if I do become the crazy cat/dog lady (because im more of a dog person) I will be the happiest damn crazy cat/dog lady you ever saw! (especially if amber is one with me) :) so a word of advice.

• To my tied down friends/family- HaHa! you're tied down and im not! im free as a bird! ;)
• To ALL MY SINGLE LADIES (and lads)- I hope that you will someday find your lobster (not any time soon though, because we are TOO YOUNG) , if not, I am currently accepting applications for my Crazy Cat/Dog Lady/Lad sidekick.

Breakfast @ Tiffanys anyone?

Create your own FACEinHOLE


This was just too fun I couldn't help myself. :)